the beginning of anything

I should be doing something else. I should be doing something else right now. I finally have a moment for myself and I should be doing something else.
Why start a blog when there is so many out there already.?
Why start a blog when there is thousands of other things I should be doing? Like: do some drawing, writing on my novel, planning for some important meetings, looking for a job, or clear out the dishwasher, putting away some of theese toys spread all over the floor, making a couple of phonecalls, do the laundry.. Well, there is one answer to that and that is:  because I want to. I just started to broaden my field of work and I need to put some of my writing out there.. Writing that I will do just because I want to and not because I should.


I was overwhelmed becoming a parent and for many reasons, my life has gone through many, many changes lately. I was so worn out when my second child was born - I frankly didn't know how to cope. Someone told me that first years with kids so close in age, all you can do is ENDURE. Actually it was my therapist who said that. She meant it as a kind of comfort "that's how it is, just endure the first years". Very few really, really enjoys it. Simply because it is so tireing. Life in a major city doesn't make life easier..  Ok. I get it. But still. I kept thinkin:  there's gotta be a better way!?
I don't want to Endure life. I want to Enjoy life. And the kids - what about them..it is their life too.
At the end of it all I don't want to have spent so much time just enduring the everyday life.

All theese questions, and I already began this journey and found some answers too. Long way to go, still, but that is a lifelong journey, naturally.

This is the beginning of everything, of anything. Life can be anything we want it to be.
Just writing that made me feel somewhat worried, insecure. Is that so? And above all - should I try to write about that, should I even publish this ? Husband comes into the room, says "it's only a blog". This really makes me anxious, annoyed, why?

So here comes the lesson of today:
Step one: Let the negative emotions come (I feel insecure)
Step two : Reflect on the reaction (what is threatening right now? I have actually no idea)
Step three: Now that I felt that, can I see that it is only emotions? (yeah, ok)
Step four: Let them go. Breathe.
Step five: Continue without further hesitation.

Ok.